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原文赏析：
你所认为的并非真正的你；反倒是你怎么想，你就是什么样的人。
我们应该关心自己的问题，而非担忧。
关注意味着要认清问题，并冷静地采取步骤处理它，忧虑只是慌乱地兜圈子。
伤害人的并非事件本身，而是他对事件的看法。
人如果改变对事与人的看法，事与人就对他发生改变……
只要将一个人内心的态度由恐惧转为奋斗，就能克服任何障碍。
查尔斯华特服务在纽约市一家极具声誉的银行里，他被指派调查一家公司业务情况的秘密报告。华特知道有家实业公司的经理，对这情形最清楚，可以提供他所需要的资料，华特就去拜访那位经理。正当华特被引进经理室时，一个年轻女子由门外探头进来，告诉那位经理说，她那天没什么好邮票给他。
经理向那女郎点点头后，接着向华特解释的说：「我在替我那十二岁的孩子收集邮票。」
华特坐下说明他的来意，就即提出他的问题。可是那位经理却是含糊其辞，概括笼统，不搭边际的应付了一阵，很明显的，他是不愿意说。华特用尽了办法，也无法使他多说些，这次谈话简短枯燥，得不到一点要领。
华特也是我讲习班里的一个学员，他说：「说实在的，我真不知该怎么办才好………后来，我突然想起他那个女秘书对他说的话，邮票、十二岁的小孩，同时我又想到，我们银行的国外汇兑部，常和世界各地通信，有不少平时少见的外国邮票，现在正可以派到用处。
第二天的下午，我再去拜访那位经理，同时传话进去，我有很多邮票，特地带来给他的儿子………你说，我是不是受到热烈的欢迎？那是当然的事，他紧握我的手，脸上满是喜悦的笑容。他看了看邮票，一再的说：「我的乔琪一定喜欢这一张………嗯，这一张更好，那是少有见到的。」
我们谈了半个小时的邮票，还看他儿子的相片………随后，不需要我再开口了。他费了一个小时以上的时间，提供出各项我所需要的资料。他说完自己所知道的情形后，又把公司里的职员叫来问，接着还打了几个电话问他的朋友………而且还指出那家公司财产状况的各项报告、函件，使我得到一个极大的收获。
一个不关心别人，对别人不感兴趣的人，他的生活必遭受重大的阻碍、困难，同时会替别人带来极大的损害、困扰，所有人类的失败，都是由于这些人而才发生的。
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精彩短评：
作者：永恒之人 发布时间：2023-01-05 20:16:19
本书应该是励志、鸡汤、成功学、口才类书籍的鼻祖了吧，没看过的人看一看，必有收获。不过这个版本不全。
作者：Nice 发布时间：2022-09-29 09:40:05
这版本内容可能不全，但书是好书
作者：Voyage- 发布时间：2024-01-14 15:50:06
陀翁27岁的浪漫清朗。我仍然爱你，甚至感谢你，只是因为你和我一起活着。你什么都不用做，只是在我身边，就让我真正活过。
作者：若雯 发布时间：2023-04-04 13:04:17
很多观点还是值得我学习，只不过已经在其他的地方看到过，就没那么新颖，讲的故事也不似其他书那样贴近现在的生活。
作者：贺鹿 发布时间：2021-07-28 11:26:28
还是有一点点意思的。
作者：kayoko 发布时间：2022-06-11 14:24:53
不全
深度书评：
影响沟通效果80%是交流过程中的情绪，20%才是沟通的内容
作者：红桃一对J 发布时间：2016-05-10 18:26:22
这本书在十几年前就家喻户晓了，当年最为畅销的《读者》杂志中缝的邮购售书广告里总有推荐。高中刚刚毕业就读过，那时尚未进入社会，所谓社交仅仅停留在同学关系的单一关系，家人也把我们当做小孩子，任何无知言行都加以包容，喜欢的人就多和对方解除，不喜欢的人就敬而远之。《人性的弱点》就被当做短篇故事集在读，当时对于我的功效与《故事会》没有太大差异。工作后步入社会，没有人是一座孤岛，有效沟通的技巧是多么重要，有很多人你应当放下成见与他合作，或者在销售的过程中需要赢得对方的喜欢，作为上级需要引导员工，反过来作为下属有时候也需要激励领导。影响沟通效果80%是交流过程中的情绪，20%才是沟通的内容，这本书就是对那80%做指导的。
提高本书的使用效率的技巧
1.阅读时停下来思考在读内容，把有益的建议标记出来，问问自己在什么场合能够实践这些建议，也便于自己日后温习，而且知识点本身也需要不断温习才能将理论变成习惯。
2.建立自己的记录簿，把每天犯过的错或者需要改进的地方记录下来，每周末自省或者自我评估，会发现自己犯错越来越少，而接人待物的能力飞速提高。
3.记录自己运用这些原则的心得。
人际关系的基本技巧
1.不要批评，不要指责，不要抱怨。
2.真心实意地感谢他人、赞美他人。人有被尊重的需求，希望“感到自己很重要”，试想一个在任何时间都能发现你的闪光点，并且由衷的赞许，不吝惜任何赞美之词的上司，员工怎么可能不更加尽心尽力的工作
3.激发他人的需求/换位思考对方的需求
赢得他人喜爱的六个方式
发自内心的关注他人，而非博得他人的关注，才是交友的关键。刻意取悦他人或者关注点总在自己是徒劳无功的。
1.真心诚意的关注他人。想要得到友谊，就别怕麻烦，全心全意为他人做些事，哪怕要为此付出时间、精力、慷慨与体贴。
2.微笑
3.记住对方的名字
4.专注的倾听，鼓励他人谈论自己。不讨人喜欢的行为：不听对方讲话，一味谈论自己；在别人说话时想到了什么，不等对方说完就直接插嘴。
5.谈论对方感兴趣的事情，是引起他人兴趣的好办法。无论是像罗斯福那样有意准备别人感兴趣的谈资，还是激发对方兴趣后倾听，都有利于增广自己的见识。
6.真心实意的让对方知道他有多重要
如何让他人想你之所想
1.赢得争论的方法只有一个，那就是避免争论。驳倒别人，但是那又有什么意义呢，无论输赢，我们都无法改变他人的想法。本杰明•富兰克林曾说过，“争辩、抱怨和反驳或许会带来暂时的胜利，但也永远无法通过表面的胜利赢得对方的尊敬。”
2.尊重他人的观点，绝不要说“你错了”。我们无法通过纠正他的错误观点来改变他的认知，这样只会激怒他。所以，在你确信的情况下，假使你的朋友说错了话，请试着这样说“我本来不是这样想的，但是估计是我错了，我常常犯错。让我们一起弄清事实。”不要与客户、爱人或敌人争辩，圆融的指出他们的错误，而不是直接指出或激怒他们。
3.如果你错了，请坚决果断地承认错误。愚蠢的人只会推诿，坦率的认错才是品格高尚者的见证。
4.沟通始于友善
5.让对方点头称“是”/引导对方认同
6.让对方主导谈话。如果朋友胜过我们，他们会觉得自己很重要；如果我们胜过他们，他们中的一部分人会对此感到自卑，甚至心生妒忌。再知心的朋友也更愿意在我们面前谈论他们的成就，请给他们说话的时间，耐心倾听。
7.循循善诱，让对方自行得出结论。我们喜欢被问及我们的心愿、我们的需求、我们的想法，在这样的谈话中，我们往往能感受到自己是被重视的一方。我们喜欢自己做决定，而不是对方强加给我们的。销售的时“欲擒故纵”，尤其是自主性很强的客户，让他自己做选择。
8.将心比心。开口之前除了明确交流的目的，也要斟酌一下，如果你是对方，你愿不愿意听这些话。如果你希望对方认可你的观点，请先接受对方的观点。
9.体谅他人的想法和愿望。“我一点都不怪你这样想。如果我是你，我也会有完全相同的感受。”
10.激发对方内心深处的高尚情操。“您是以为诚信正直、值得信赖的人，不会辜负我们的期待的”
11.戏剧化你的想法。推销你的想法时，需要具象化、生动化，才能更好的吸引人们的关注、留下深刻印象并且让对方接受观点。
12.激将法。人有超越他人的渴望，可以利用这一点激发别人。
作为领导，如何改变他人
我们常常把耐心、情商留给了领导或者客户，对下属、家人、父母、子女的交流却忽视了他们的自尊心。
1.欲抑先扬，就像拔牙时先打麻醉，批评之前先向对方予以肯定，再指出问题并鼓励对方。
2.婉转的批评。对于敏感的人，直接的批评会引起他们强烈的敌意，而间接地指出错误却有极好的效果。
3.批评对方之前，先谈谈自己的过错。
4.以引导/建议代替命令。
5.给对方留足面子。我们没有权利作出让对方感到自卑的言行，伤害别人的自尊也是一种罪过。
6.夸奖他人每一点微小的进步。书中所授的全部原则，并不提倡钻营取巧，只有出自内心才能发挥应有的效用。
7.用美誉激励他人，他就会不辜负你的期望。
8.鼓励对方做出改变，而非打击对方。
9.让对方愿意为你做事：1.实事求是。做不到的事情请不要承诺。忘记自己的私利，关注对方的利益；2.目的明确。清楚知道你希望对方做什么；3.有同理心。扪心自问什么是对方真正的需求；4.换位思考。想一想对方帮你做事能得到哪些好处；5.利益交换。找到上述好处与对方需求的结合点；6.表明态度。提出请求的时候，向对方说明他如何能从中受益。——这是任何沟通达成有效的方式。
做人做事的普遍原则
作者：Hammer_ 发布时间：2012-02-03 18:21:57
Before we commence reading How To Win Friends And Influence People, we should first realize that this book had been written to be used to as textbook for the author's course in Effective speaking and Human relationship and it still used for today.
So please not categorize this book as Self-help or Motivational book which often be degraded by those who unceasingly declaim how badly they hate this sort of things.
Dealing with people is probably the biggest problem we face, especially if you are in business. Those principles can apply to all walks of people.
If you wish to get the most out of this book, there is one indispensable requirement, one essential infinitely more important than any rule or technique. Unless you have this one fundamental requisite, a thousand rules on how to study will avail little.
What is this magic requirement? Just this: a deep, driving desire to learn, a vigorous determination to increase your ability to deal with people.
Once you believe,that works.
“Education,” said the author “is the ability to meet life’s situations,”
If by the time you have finished reading the first three chapters of this book- if you aren’t then a little better equipped to meet life’s situations, then I shall consider this book to be a total failure so far as you are concerned. For “the great aim of education,” said the author, “is not knowledge but action.”
And this is an action book :)
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readingnote:
第一大章：怎样赢得朋友
原则一：永远不要去批评别人
很精辟，我们应该转换方式，让他们自己发现，或者用一种温和，婉转的方式，反之就算是中肯的批评也是有害无利
1.ninety-nine times out of a hundred, people don’t criticize themselves for anything, no matter how wrong it may be.
2.Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment
3.Let’s realize that the person we are going to correct and condemn will probably justify himself or herself, and condemn us in return or, like the gentle Taft, will say: “I don’t see how I could have done any differently from what I have.
4.每当我们想要批评别人的时候，想想这句话：“I don’t see how I could have done any differently from what I have”Judge not, that ye be not judged
5.最真诚的忠告------勿责人，常思已过：Do you know someone you would like to change and regulate and improve? Good! That is fine. I am all in favor of it, But why not begin on yourself? From a purely selfish standpoint, that is a lot more profitable than trying to improve others - yes, and a lot less dangerous. “Don’t complain about the snow on your neighbor’s roof,” said Confucius, “when your own doorstep is unclean.”
6.每个人都是感性的动物：When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
7.我们应该做的：Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. “To know all is to forgive all.”
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原则二 如何与人打交道---Give honest and sincere appreciation
1、（有道理！）There is only one way under high heaven to get anybody to do anything. Did you ever stop to think of that? Yes, just one way. And that is by making the other person want to do it. Remember, there is no other way.
2.每个人都得到赞扬啊：The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.The desire for a feeling of importance is one of the chief distinguishing differences between mankind and the animals
3. 赞扬和奉承的区别：The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out,the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish,the other selfish. One is universally admired, the other universally condemned.
4.多点发自内心的感激，别吝啬对我们爱的人的赞扬：When we are not engaged in thinking about some definite problem, we usually spend about 95 percent of our time thinking about ourselves. Now, if we stop thinking about ourselves for a while and begin to think of the other person’s good points, we won’t have to resort to flattery so cheap and false that it can be spotted almost before it is out of the mouth
5. 真的是这样呢：Let’s cease thinking of our accomplishments, our wants. Let’s try to figure out the other person’s good points. Then forget flattery. Give honest, sincere appreciation. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise,” and people will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime -repeat them years after you have forgotten them
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原则三. 去谈论人家感兴趣的事----Arouse in the other person an eager want
1.少谈自己，谈大家的兴趣和利益所在：So the only way cm earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it. Remember that tomorrow when you are trying to get somebody to do something. If, for example, you don’t want your children to smoke, don’t preach at them, and don’t talk about what you want? but show them that cigarettes may keep them from making the basketball team or winning the hundred-yard dash.（销售的人应该学学，学会从他人的角度看问题）
2.If out of reading this book you get just one thing- an increased tendency to think always in terms of other people’s point of view, and see things from their angle - if you get that one thing out of this book, it may easily prove to be one of the building blocks of your career.
3、我们的目的不是为了操纵人，而是实现双赢：Looking at the other person’s point of view and arousing in him an eager want for something is not to be construed as manipulating that person so that he will do something that is only for your benefit and his detriment
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第二大章：怎样让人喜欢你
原则一：Become genuinely interested in other people--对他人感兴趣
1.If we want to make friends, let’s put ourselves out to do things for other people -things that require time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness
2.If we want to make friends, let’s greet people with animation and enthusiasm. When somebody calls you on the telephone use the same psychology
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原则二：经常微笑
1.Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, “I like you, You make me happy. I am glad to see you.”That is why dogs make such a hit. They are so glad to see us that they almost jump out of their skins. So, naturally, we are glad to see them. A baby’s smile has the same effect
2.A man without a smiling face must not open a shop.”Your smile is a messenger of your good will. Your smile brightens the lives of all who see it. To someone who has seen a dozen people frown, scowl or turn their faces away, your smile is like the sun breaking through the clouds. Especially when that someone is under pressure from his bosses, his customers, his teachers or parents or children, a smile can help him realize that all is not hopeless -that there is joy in the world.
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原则三：记住别人的名字
Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language
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原则四： 做一个好的听众，让别人去谈论自己（Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves）
So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.
Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems. A person’s toothache means more to that person than a famine in China which kills a million people. A boil on one’s neck interests one more than forty earthquakes in Africa. Think of that the next time you start a conversation
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原则五：谈别人感兴趣的事（Talk in terms of the other person’s interests. ）
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原则六：承认对方的优点和对自己的重要性（Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely）
The unvarnished truth is that almost all the people you meet feel themselves superior to you in some way, and a sure way to their hearts is to let them realize in some subtle way that you recognize their importance, and recognize it sincerely. Remember what Emerson said: “Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.
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第三大章：How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
原则一：避免和人辩论，因为你永远不会赢---这个，偶觉得还是方式的问题，不过还是尽量避免好了，因为没啥意义啊！：）The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it,and if you win it, you lose it. Why?Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot This argument full of holes and prove that he is non compos mentis.Then what? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior. You have hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph. And A man convinced against his will Is of the same opinion still
If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes, but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good wil
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独立一段，关于怎样应对argument的建议：
一 不同的见解是有益的：Welcome the disagreement. Remember the slogan, “When two partners always agree, one of them is not necessary.” If there is some point you haven’t thought about, be thankful if it is brought to your attention. Perhaps this disagreement is your opportunity to be corrected before you make a serious mistake.
二：(别相信你的第一直觉印象--适用于异见）Distrust your first instinctive impression. Our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive. Be careful. Keep calm and watch out for your first reaction. It may be you at your worst, not your best
三（控制你的脾气）Control your temper. Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry. Listen first. Give your opponents a chance to talk. Let them finish. Do not resist, defend or debate. This only raises barriers. Try to build bridges of understanding. Don’t build higher barriers of misunderstanding.
四：求同存异：Look for areas of agreement. When you have heard your opponents out, dwell first on the points and areas on which
you agree.
五：诚实： Be honest, Look for areas where you can admit error and say so. Apologize for your mistakes. It will help disarm your
opponents and reduce defensiveness.
六：Promise to think over your opponents’ ideas and study them carefully. And mean it. Your opponents may be right. It is a lot easier at this stage to agree to think about their points than to move rapidly ahead and find yourself in a position where your opponents can say: “We tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen.”
七：感谢你的对手：Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest. Anyone who takes the time to disagree with you is interested in the same things you are. Think of them as people who really want to help you, and you may turn your opponents into friends.
八：给点时间给对方（很重要，很多时候回头看，会觉得当时狠傻，没必要为这问题吵，也从另一方面得出，和人去争论什么，真的没啥意义）Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem
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原则二：别告诉别人自己比他们要高明
这段狠有哲理，别证明自己比其他人聪明，就算知道，也别告诉他
That is a challenge. It arouses opposition and makes the listener want to battle with you before you even start. It is difficult, under even the most benign conditions, to change people’s minds. So why make it harder? Why handicap yourself? If you are going to prove anything, don’t let anybody know it. Do it so subtly, so adroitly, that no one will feel that you are doing it.
This was expressed succinctly by Alexander Pope: Men must be taught as if you taught them not And things unknown proposed as things forgot.
Over three hundred years ago Galileo said: You cannot teach a man anything? you can only help him to find it within himself.
As Lord Chesterfield said to his son: Be wiser than other people if you can? but do not tell them so.
（勇于承认错误是最对的）You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may be wrong. That will stop all argument and inspire your opponent to be just as fair and open and broad-minded as you are. It will make him want to admit that he, too, may be wrong
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原则三：勇于认错
When we are right, let’s try to win people gently and tactfully to our way of thinking, and when we are wrong and that will be surprisingly often, if we are honest with ourselves - let’s admit our mistakes quickly and with enthusiasm. Not only will that technique produce astonishing results? but, believe it or not, it is a lot more
fun, under the circumstances, than trying to defend oneself.
Remember the old proverb: "By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.”
----------------
原则四：以友好的方式开始 Begin in a friendly way.
--------------
原则五： Get the other person saying “yes, yes”
------------------------
原则六：Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
（这里和上面有点重复了，其实这里有很多原则是共通的）
----------------
原则七：Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers
卡内基是个中国通，他引用了好多中国古代的谚语和道德经的东西：
" The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a hundred mountain streams is that they keep below them. Thus they are able to reign over all the mountain streams. So the sage, wishing to be above men, put himself below them, wishing to be before them, he put himself behind them. Thus, though his place be above men, they do not feel his weight,though his place be before them, they do not count it an injury.”
海纳百川，有容乃大
------------------------------
如果仅仅把这书当做是快餐书，励志书，成功学，
真的很可惜，
这书流传这么久真有它的道理，一些自以为是的“读书人”可能不屑看这类书，替他们遗憾。
一本值得反复看的经典之作，最重要是去实践上述的原则，
要记住：“This is an action book.”
2012.2.3
By Hammer
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下载评价
- 网友 冯***丽： ( 2024-12-13 19:06:13 )
卡的不行啊
- 网友 寿***芳： ( 2025-01-09 01:16:39 )
可以在线转化哦
- 网友 温***欣： ( 2024-12-23 04:13:42 )
可以可以可以
- 网友 常***翠： ( 2024-12-17 06:06:26 )
哈哈哈哈哈哈
- 网友 隗***杉： ( 2024-12-12 03:18:20 )
挺好的，还好看！支持！快下载吧！
- 网友 宓***莉： ( 2025-01-06 05:10:29 )
不仅速度快，而且内容无盗版痕迹。
- 网友 曾***玉： ( 2025-01-08 06:58:35 )
直接选择epub/azw3/mobi就可以了，然后导入微信读书，体验百分百！！！
- 网友 田***珊： ( 2024-12-19 17:59:46 )
可以就是有些书搜不到
- 网友 陈***秋： ( 2024-12-19 11:41:11 )
不错，图文清晰，无错版，可以入手。
- 网友 宫***凡： ( 2024-12-16 16:22:30 )
一般般，只能说收费的比免费的强不少。
- 网友 后***之： ( 2025-01-06 14:56:26 )
强烈推荐！无论下载速度还是书籍内容都没话说 真的很良心！
- 网友 孙***夏： ( 2024-12-17 00:57:00 )
中评，比上不足比下有余
- 网友 曹***雯： ( 2025-01-08 07:27:39 )
为什么许多书都找不到？
- 网友 利***巧： ( 2024-12-22 20:20:10 )
差评。这个是收费的
- 网友 国***舒： ( 2024-12-21 08:33:45 )
中评，付点钱这里能找到就找到了，找不到别的地方也不一定能找到
- 网友 濮***彤： ( 2024-12-15 19:27:35 )
好棒啊！图书很全
全格式电子版 - 免费下载
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