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《人性的弱点(精)》是现代成人教育之父，人际关系学鼻祖戴尔·卡耐基的经典著作之一。本书汇集了大师卡耐基的思想精华，深刻剖析了人性中的弱点。书中还列举许多名人及普通人的真实案例，讲述了他们如何领悟《人性的弱点》中的真谛，改变自己为人处世的态度，理解他人、真诚待人，提高语言沟通能力并增强自信，从而获得他人的信任甚至影响他人，最终取得成功。本书诞生于大萧条时代的美国，卡耐基以激动人心的文字和真实故事教导人们改变自己，相信自己，激励他们走出迷惘和困境。自出版以来，便风靡全球，成为一代又一代青年心中的成功“圣经”。

原著序：出版缘起

前言：如何从本书里获得优选收益

《人性的弱点》其他国家版本（部分）

第一篇人际交往中的三大处事技巧

01如欲采蜜，勿毁蜂房

02诚挚的赞美是成功的助跑器

03捕捉他人观点，重视他人需求

第二篇受人欢迎的六大诀窍

01发自内心地关怀他人

02微笑让生活充满阳光

03微妙的恭维——牢记他人姓名

04静心倾听比激烈评判更易打动人心

05关注对方的兴趣不是简单地拍马屁

06人类本性最深层的驱动力就是受到重视

第三篇赢得他人赞同的12种方法

01逞口舌之能注定失败

02委婉地指出他人错误，避免制造敌人

03勇于坦承自己的错误

04一滴蜂蜜比一加仑胆汁更吸引蜜蜂

05苏格拉底的秘密：“是”的魔力

06处理抱怨者的安全手法

07海纳百川，有容乃大——征求他人意见

08创造奇迹的公式：换位思考

09满足别人渴望同情的需要

10激发他人的高尚动机

11行为比语言更有说服力

12当你无计可施时，不妨试试这个

第四篇改变他人的九大秘诀

01赞美在前，批评在后

02委婉地批评使你不致招怨

03先说出你自己的错误

04命令招来憎恨

05面子很重要，保留他人面子

06如何鼓励人们进步

07赠人美名，口留余香

08人无完人，使错误最小化

09人类天性之一——获得权威

第五篇创造奇迹的信件

第六篇家庭和睦、婚姻幸福的七个法则

01切勿自掘“婚姻坟墓”

02爱他，就给他自由

03勿相互指责

04真诚地欣赏对方

05随时注意琐碎细微的小地方

06想要获得快乐密钥，别忽略了这些

07不要做“婚姻的文盲”

戴尔·卡耐基（Dale Carnegie，1888年11月24日-1955年11月1日)，被誉为20世纪人类伟大的人生导师，也是有名的成功学大师，美国现代成人教育之父，人际关系学鼻祖，美国有名的心理学家和人际关系学大师，西方现代人际关系的奠基人。他的一生就像美国历史上伟大的总统林肯一样，在平凡中创造了不平凡。。主要代表作有《人性的优点》《人性的弱点》《沟通的艺术》《卡耐基人际关系学》《语言的突破》《演讲与口才》等。其作品一经问世便受到广大读者的喜爱和追捧，并被翻译成几十种文字在全球热销。如同每个奋斗者一样，卡耐基的一生也历经坎坷。从不同阶段的生活层面上，他优选的收获就是看到人们不断生活在忧虑、恐惧与无力改变现状的恶性循环中。后来他在青年会得到了一个夜大讲师的机会后，便开创了公开演说的课程，积累下来的成果就是“卡耐基训练”的蓝本。之后，他致力于影响别人、改变别人的教育事业。

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你所认为的并非真正的你；反倒是你怎么想，你就是什么样的人。

我们应该关心自己的问题，而非担忧。

关注意味着要认清问题，并冷静地采取步骤处理它，忧虑只是慌乱地兜圈子。

伤害人的并非事件本身，而是他对事件的看法。

人如果改变对事与人的看法，事与人就对他发生改变……

只要将一个人内心的态度由恐惧转为奋斗，就能克服任何障碍。

查尔斯华特服务在纽约市一家极具声誉的银行里，他被指派调查一家公司业务情况的秘密报告。华特知道有家实业公司的经理，对这情形最清楚，可以提供他所需要的资料，华特就去拜访那位经理。正当华特被引进经理室时，一个年轻女子由门外探头进来，告诉那位经理说，她那天没什么好邮票给他。

经理向那女郎点点头后，接着向华特解释的说：「我在替我那十二岁的孩子收集邮票。」

华特坐下说明他的来意，就即提出他的问题。可是那位经理却是含糊其辞，概括笼统，不搭边际的应付了一阵，很明显的，他是不愿意说。华特用尽了办法，也无法使他多说些，这次谈话简短枯燥，得不到一点要领。

华特也是我讲习班里的一个学员，他说：「说实在的，我真不知该怎么办才好………后来，我突然想起他那个女秘书对他说的话，邮票、十二岁的小孩，同时我又想到，我们银行的国外汇兑部，常和世界各地通信，有不少平时少见的外国邮票，现在正可以派到用处。

第二天的下午，我再去拜访那位经理，同时传话进去，我有很多邮票，特地带来给他的儿子………你说，我是不是受到热烈的欢迎？那是当然的事，他紧握我的手，脸上满是喜悦的笑容。他看了看邮票，一再的说：「我的乔琪一定喜欢这一张………嗯，这一张更好，那是少有见到的。」

我们谈了半个小时的邮票，还看他儿子的相片………随后，不需要我再开口了。他费了一个小时以上的时间，提供出各项我所需要的资料。他说完自己所知道的情形后，又把公司里的职员叫来问，接着还打了几个电话问他的朋友………而且还指出那家公司财产状况的各项报告、函件，使我得到一个极大的收获。

一个不关心别人，对别人不感兴趣的人，他的生活必遭受重大的阻碍、困难，同时会替别人带来极大的损害、困扰，所有人类的失败，都是由于这些人而才发生的。

书籍介绍

《人性的弱点》是现代成人教育之父，人际关系学鼻祖戴尔·卡耐基的经典著作之一。《人性的弱点》汇集了大师卡耐基的思想精华，深刻剖析了人性中的弱点。书中还列举许多名人及普通人的真实案例，讲述了他们如何领悟《人性的弱点》中的真谛，改变自己为人处世的态度，理解他人、真诚待人，提高语言沟通能力并增强自信，从而获得他人的信任甚至影响他人，最终取得成功。

《人性的弱点》诞生于大萧条时代的美国，卡耐基以激动人心的文字和真实故事教导人们改变自己，相信自己，激励他们走出迷惘和困境。自出版以来，便风靡全球，成为一代又一代青年心中的成功“圣经”。

• 作者：我要学会飞 发布时间：2020-10-06 02:17:38

  可能作者真的接触过很多人，了解很多案例，可是不是很读得下去这种论点+论据的写作方式，没办法专注深入。

• 作者：Super伟 发布时间：2018-10-26 12:36:28

  总结提炼很有意思，七个章节写了不同的故事，翻译成与人如何相处更好……大量的举例和理论，逻辑很不错，看了很多东西都值得借鉴。

• 作者：瓦达西瓦又又又桑只爱这巧克力 发布时间：2015-02-08 16:14:31

  这版不好，没配原文，虽然装帧精美。

• 作者：英勇白兰帝 发布时间：2022-09-15 21:25:20

  以退为进，以柔克刚。

• 作者：Hailin 发布时间：2019-01-04 16:31:31

  美国星星监狱的负责人刘易斯劳斯在与卡内基的一次通信中提到：「在星星监狱里，很少有罪犯成人自己是坏人，他们认为自己的人品就跟你我一样，他们都有这样的见解、解释。他们告诉你，撬开保险箱或是接连的放枪伤害人的原因。他们甚至为自己反社会现实的行为进行辩护，因此他们坚持认为不应该把他们囚禁起来。包括著名杀人犯「双枪」可劳累、修斯、以及监狱中的很多暴徒，是发自内心的这样认为。他们完全不自责，不把错误归咎在自己身上，那你我所接触的人又如何呢？

• 作者：王奋斗 发布时间：2017-09-14 17:06:48

  从高中时就开始读这本书，非常认真的学习，希望获得社会能力的提升。读了几十年才发现，这本书根本不符合中国国情，相信这本书中的道理与逻辑注定是死路一条。

• 做人做事的普遍原则

  作者：Hammer_ 发布时间：2012-02-03 18:21:57

  Before we commence reading How To Win Friends And Influence People, we should first realize that this book had been written to be used to as textbook for the author's course in Effective speaking and Human relationship and it still used for today.

  So please not categorize this book as Self-help or Motivational book which often be degraded by those who unceasingly declaim how badly they hate this sort of things.

  Dealing with people is probably the biggest problem we face, especially if you are in business. Those principles can apply to all walks of people.

  If you wish to get the most out of this book, there is one indispensable requirement, one essential infinitely more important than any rule or technique. Unless you have this one fundamental requisite, a thousand rules on how to study will avail little.

  What is this magic requirement? Just this: a deep, driving desire to learn, a vigorous determination to increase your ability to deal with people.

  Once you believe,that works.

  “Education,” said the author “is the ability to meet life’s situations,”

  If by the time you have finished reading the first three chapters of this book- if you aren’t then a little better equipped to meet life’s situations, then I shall consider this book to be a total failure so far as you are concerned. For “the great aim of education,” said the author, “is not knowledge but action.”

  And this is an action book :)

  ----------------------------------

  readingnote:

  第一大章：怎样赢得朋友

  原则一：永远不要去批评别人

  很精辟，我们应该转换方式，让他们自己发现，或者用一种温和，婉转的方式，反之就算是中肯的批评也是有害无利

  1.ninety-nine times out of a hundred, people don’t criticize themselves for anything, no matter how wrong it may be.

  2.Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment

    

  3.Let’s realize that the person we are going to correct and condemn will probably justify himself or herself, and condemn us in return or, like the gentle Taft, will say: “I don’t see how I could have done any differently from what I have.

  4.每当我们想要批评别人的时候，想想这句话：“I don’t see how I could have done any differently from what I have”Judge not, that ye be not judged

  5.最真诚的忠告------勿责人，常思已过：Do you know someone you would like to change and regulate and improve? Good! That is fine. I am all in favor of it, But why not begin on yourself? From a purely selfish standpoint, that is a lot more profitable than trying to improve others - yes, and a lot less dangerous. “Don’t complain about the snow on your neighbor’s roof,” said Confucius, “when your own doorstep is unclean.”

  6.每个人都是感性的动物：When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.

  7.我们应该做的：Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. “To know all is to forgive all.”

  ------------------------------

  原则二 如何与人打交道---Give honest and sincere appreciation

  1、（有道理！）There is only one way under high heaven to get anybody to do anything. Did you ever stop to think of that? Yes, just one way. And that is by making the other person want to do it. Remember, there is no other way.

  2.每个人都得到赞扬啊：The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.The desire for a feeling of importance is one of the chief distinguishing differences between mankind and the animals

  3. 赞扬和奉承的区别：The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out,the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish,the other selfish. One is universally admired, the other universally condemned.

  4.多点发自内心的感激，别吝啬对我们爱的人的赞扬：When we are not engaged in thinking about some definite problem, we usually spend about 95 percent of our time thinking about ourselves. Now, if we stop thinking about ourselves for a while and begin to think of the other person’s good points, we won’t have to resort to flattery so cheap and false that it can be spotted almost before it is out of the mouth

  5. 真的是这样呢：Let’s cease thinking of our accomplishments, our wants. Let’s try to figure out the other person’s good points. Then forget flattery. Give honest, sincere appreciation. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise,” and people will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime -repeat them years after you have forgotten them

  ------------------------------------------

  原则三. 去谈论人家感兴趣的事----Arouse in the other person an eager want

  1.少谈自己，谈大家的兴趣和利益所在：So the only way cm earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it. Remember that tomorrow when you are trying to get somebody to do something. If, for example, you don’t want your children to smoke, don’t preach at them, and don’t talk about what you want? but show them that cigarettes may keep them from making the basketball team or winning the hundred-yard dash.（销售的人应该学学，学会从他人的角度看问题）

  2.If out of reading this book you get just one thing- an increased tendency to think always in terms of other people’s point of view, and see things from their angle - if you get that one thing out of this book, it may easily prove to be one of the building blocks of your career.

  3、我们的目的不是为了操纵人，而是实现双赢：Looking at the other person’s point of view and arousing in him an eager want for something is not to be construed as manipulating that person so that he will do something that is only for your benefit and his detriment

  ----------------------------------

  第二大章：怎样让人喜欢你

  原则一：Become genuinely interested in other people--对他人感兴趣

  1.If we want to make friends, let’s put ourselves out to do things for other people -things that require time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness

  2.If we want to make friends, let’s greet people with animation and enthusiasm. When somebody calls you on the telephone use the same psychology

  -------------------

  原则二：经常微笑

  1.Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, “I like you, You make me happy. I am glad to see you.”That is why dogs make such a hit. They are so glad to see us that they almost jump out of their skins. So, naturally, we are glad to see them. A baby’s smile has the same effect

  2.A man without a smiling face must not open a shop.”Your smile is a messenger of your good will. Your smile brightens the lives of all who see it. To someone who has seen a dozen people frown, scowl or turn their faces away, your smile is like the sun breaking through the clouds. Especially when that someone is under pressure from his bosses, his customers, his teachers or parents or children, a smile can help him realize that all is not hopeless -that there is joy in the world.

  --------------------------------

  原则三：记住别人的名字

  Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language

  ----------------------

  原则四： 做一个好的听众，让别人去谈论自己（Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves）

  So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.

  Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems. A person’s toothache means more to that person than a famine in China which kills a million people. A boil on one’s neck interests one more than forty earthquakes in Africa. Think of that the next time you start a conversation

  ---------------------

  原则五：谈别人感兴趣的事（Talk in terms of the other person’s interests. ）

  -----------------------

  原则六：承认对方的优点和对自己的重要性（Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely）

  The unvarnished truth is that almost all the people you meet feel themselves superior to you in some way, and a sure way to their hearts is to let them realize in some subtle way that you recognize their importance, and recognize it sincerely. Remember what Emerson said: “Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.

  -------------------------------

  第三大章：How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

  原则一：避免和人辩论，因为你永远不会赢---这个，偶觉得还是方式的问题，不过还是尽量避免好了，因为没啥意义啊！：）The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it

  You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it,and if you win it, you lose it. Why?Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot This argument full of holes and prove that he is non compos mentis.Then what? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior. You have hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph. And A man convinced against his will Is of the same opinion still

  If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes, but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good wil

  -----------------

  独立一段，关于怎样应对argument的建议：

  一 不同的见解是有益的：Welcome the disagreement. Remember the slogan, “When two partners always agree, one of them is not necessary.” If there is some point you haven’t thought about, be thankful if it is brought to your attention. Perhaps this disagreement is your opportunity to be corrected before you make a serious mistake.

  二：(别相信你的第一直觉印象--适用于异见）Distrust your first instinctive impression. Our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive. Be careful. Keep calm and watch out for your first reaction. It may be you at your worst, not your best

  三（控制你的脾气）Control your temper. Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry. Listen first. Give your opponents a chance to talk. Let them finish. Do not resist, defend or debate. This only raises barriers. Try to build bridges of understanding. Don’t build higher barriers of misunderstanding.

  四：求同存异：Look for areas of agreement. When you have heard your opponents out, dwell first on the points and areas on which

  you agree.

  五：诚实： Be honest, Look for areas where you can admit error and say so. Apologize for your mistakes. It will help disarm your

  opponents and reduce defensiveness.

  六：Promise to think over your opponents’ ideas and study them carefully. And mean it. Your opponents may be right. It is a lot easier at this stage to agree to think about their points than to move rapidly ahead and find yourself in a position where your opponents can say: “We tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen.”

  七：感谢你的对手：Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest. Anyone who takes the time to disagree with you is interested in the same things you are. Think of them as people who really want to help you, and you may turn your opponents into friends.

  八：给点时间给对方（很重要，很多时候回头看，会觉得当时狠傻，没必要为这问题吵，也从另一方面得出，和人去争论什么，真的没啥意义）Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem

  ---------------------------

  原则二：别告诉别人自己比他们要高明

  这段狠有哲理，别证明自己比其他人聪明，就算知道，也别告诉他

  That is a challenge. It arouses opposition and makes the listener want to battle with you before you even start. It is difficult, under even the most benign conditions, to change people’s minds. So why make it harder? Why handicap yourself? If you are going to prove anything, don’t let anybody know it. Do it so subtly, so adroitly, that no one will feel that you are doing it.

  This was expressed succinctly by Alexander Pope: Men must be taught as if you taught them not And things unknown proposed as things forgot.

  Over three hundred years ago Galileo said: You cannot teach a man anything? you can only help him to find it within himself.

  As Lord Chesterfield said to his son: Be wiser than other people if you can? but do not tell them so.

  （勇于承认错误是最对的）You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may be wrong. That will stop all argument and inspire your opponent to be just as fair and open and broad-minded as you are. It will make him want to admit that he, too, may be wrong

  ------------

  原则三：勇于认错

  When we are right, let’s try to win people gently and tactfully to our way of thinking, and when we are wrong and that will be surprisingly often, if we are honest with ourselves - let’s admit our mistakes quickly and with enthusiasm. Not only will that technique produce astonishing results? but, believe it or not, it is a lot more

  fun, under the circumstances, than trying to defend oneself.

  Remember the old proverb: "By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.”

  ----------------

  原则四：以友好的方式开始 Begin in a friendly way.

  --------------

  原则五： Get the other person saying “yes, yes”

  ------------------------

  原则六：Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

  （这里和上面有点重复了，其实这里有很多原则是共通的）

  ----------------

  原则七：Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers

  卡内基是个中国通，他引用了好多中国古代的谚语和道德经的东西：

  " The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a hundred mountain streams is that they keep below them. Thus they are able to reign over all the mountain streams. So the sage, wishing to be above men, put himself below them, wishing to be before them, he put himself behind them. Thus, though his place be above men, they do not feel his weight,though his place be before them, they do not count it an injury.”

  海纳百川，有容乃大

  ------------------------------

  如果仅仅把这书当做是快餐书，励志书，成功学，

  真的很可惜，

  这书流传这么久真有它的道理，一些自以为是的“读书人”可能不屑看这类书，替他们遗憾。

  一本值得反复看的经典之作，最重要是去实践上述的原则，

  要记住：“This is an action book.”

  2012.2.3

  By Hammer

• [杂谈] 如何去赢得朋友影响他人

  作者：藤壺 发布时间：2013-07-25 02:00:34

  这本书，中译名非常酷炫，叫做《人性的弱点》。早先只听说过中译本，被这酷炫的名字给忽悠住了，以为是一本高深莫测的人生哲理。直到前几天，我抱着练习英语阅读的目的去找了这个英文版，然后上豆瓣看了看。原来那本酷炫的书有一个非常土鳖的英文名字 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'。不过实际证明，名字酷炫掩盖不住内容的杂乱；土鳖的Title下才是最精彩的内容。

  这本书的中英文版我都有，都看过一些。这本英文版粗略的把内容读完，因为为了练习英语阅读，所以细读目前只到35%。中文版是卡耐基的两本书'How to Win Friends and Influence People' & ‘Start Living'拼凑成的。如果只是1+1的拼法倒也无妨，但是那种1A+2B+1C+2A这种乱七八糟的拼法，我个人是觉得，有能力的人还是去读英文原版吧。

  豆瓣上这本书的书评我大致翻了一下，第一名的是喷嚏网铂程写的，他其实把精髓写出来了，只是太过文艺，我觉得基本上点’有用‘的人80%都没看懂。排第二名的是出来搞笑的，整篇内容就是把那个中译本的目录給抄了下来，然后我还看见有评论如是”太正确了，《人性的弱点全集》最经典的读书笔记就是它的目录“。请允许我对这些人的智商做一个悲伤的表情。

  大四上时，我的读书习惯从阿娇身上受益颇深。他说过，读一本书时，有一半的精力是要花在思考这几个问题上：Who is this author? What has he done? For what purpose does the author write this book? How is its reliability?

  卡耐基不是哲学家，他是个成功学家，是个成人教育专家。说白了，他在当时做的工作就和现在公司外聘请来给新员工培训的讲师差不多。我也去百度了一些他的资料，他做的那些成就，我觉得夸大了太多。在我看来，他只是在当时成人教育不够成体系的时候在这个行业做的最好，同时自己在这方面有自己的独到之处，然后把这些写成了书。'How to Win'这本书不是什么人生哲学，卡耐基写这本书的目的在前言里有很明显的表述: "I know what those adults want (the ability to deal with people). But the book they need has never been written." 同时，他也很明确的说了，这本书不是什么道理性的说教，而是教给你该怎么做。"This is an action book"

  我有一个朋友，我们一般叫他金老板。他是一个社交能力很强的人，上司、下属、同辈、长辈，他都能打点周全，赢得每一个人的认同和喜爱。后来他去了某国企的公关部，我们也觉得这是最适合他做的事情。我曾经思考过，是什么让他能如此受欢迎。原因可能有很多，看完此书后，我暂时得到的答案是，他发自内心地愿意并热衷于和所有人打交道。

  整本书道理很少，大部分都是一些case或者story。印象最深的是两个，一个是Lincoln在南北战争最胶着时写给Meade的信，一个是Roosevelt打电话给邻居让她去看bobwhite。书里都有详细的细节，这里不繁述了。这些从伟人身上摘取的细节故事，我觉得更有说服力。That's the reason those great people are great.

  书是好书，不故弄玄虚，也没有华而不实。推荐给所有人。